Kate Worley

[pameladean]

I hadn't seen Kate Worley for years, or really thought about her either, when elisem posted a message to the Minn-Stf Natter list about how a local fan was putting together a care package for Kate, since she had cancer. I missed the deadline for the care package, but I was writing her a short "do you remember when -- " letter and collecting some stuff that I thought she might like when I got the news that she had died.

Kate was generally best known for her part in writing "Omaha, the Cat Dancer" with Reed Waller, and for playing a great deal of music with Minn-Stf. But when I knew her best -- that was never well, but when I knew her best -- she had not done either of those things yet. She was just Kate. She burst on Minn-Stf like a fireworks display; I can still remember the meeting at which it happened and see the swathe she cut through the room, past the vulnerable and the seasoned alike. Somebody always had something catty to say about her, and somebody always had something swoony to say, and sometimes they were the same person. She was smart and beautiful and articulate and wise and clueless and extremely fannish. She looked after my cats a few times when I went home to see my family. She and David and Joel Halpern and I fell into conversation about garlic, and she ended up getting the most garlicky recipes possible from Jon Singer and made dinner for us. This was the genesis of the Minn-Stf dinner group that I was a member of for quite some time, though the members shifted around a bit. My main memories of it, aside from Kate's garlic dinner, include Jan Appelbaum's mushroom paprikash, and Karen Johnson's lambburgers. Kathy Marschall made a grand series of desserts, but I can't recall them now. Kate had dropped out by then, being busy with many other things. She had a highly eclectic mind.

It's inaccurate to say that Kate and I dated the same person, but we very amiably shared considerable emotional intimacy with the same person, at a time when I was having a lot of romantic trouble with David. Eventually I backed off a little bit, and eventually Kate and Jerry got married. Jon Singer stood up for her and I stood up for him; I think we were dubbed the Man of Honor and the Best Woman. They got married on Moon Landing Day. I don't recall when they got divorced. I'd moved to Massachusetts and gotten married myself and moved back again, and all the patterns of interaction had broken and shifted and reformed.

I never quite got the hang of conversing with Kate, since she always assumed that you were up to date about whatever she happened to be interested in at the moment. People who were better at asking questions did better.

We once determined that we had the same absolute number of years' experience at dating, except that she had started at twelve and I had started at nineteen. I think this must mean that she was seven years younger than I am. I'm very sorry to think that she's not still out there, writing and singing and flinging herself headlong at complex subjects.

Pamela

Comments

[laurel]

Thanks for this. You capture some things I had thought to try and capture in my piece about Kate, but never could quite get into words. Plus, of course, you knew her differently and knew some different things than I.

I remember her as passionate and that she had some strong opinions and others had strong opinions about her, but also that online (on BBSes) she had a very different reputation (as being more kind, I think).

I'd been getting email updates from Kate about her cancer since November 2002 (along with other folks who knew her on Citadel BBSes) and now I feel bad I never really wrote anything of length back to her (kept meaning to) and I never really passed word on to folks in fandom (I just assumed people knew, since so many had known her longer and better than I). Heavy sigh. At least word was out towards the end (thanks in large part to a post in Neil's journal). Kevin reminds me I've had a lot to deal with myself in the past couple of years, but still.

[pameladean]

You HAVE had a lot to deal with in the past couple of years.

I missed all her BBS contributions, but I'm not surprised that softer aspects of her personality could come through in that medium. They were absolutely there in person, too, but you had to be able to stand up to the basic presentation. I'm pretty much a wimp, really.

I think a lot of people in fandom did know -- I'd just fallen completely out of touch with her and was never in her inner circle anyway. I don't think you need to beat yourself up. But I know the feeling, just a kind of gosh, I wish I'd kept in better touch.

Pamela

[lisajulie.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the memories you posted.

I never knew her as I was a Mid-Atlantic fan and only for a fairly short while.

However, it is fascinating to see jonsinger in yet another social loop. He _really_ does know everyone!

[pameladean]

He does, and it's hard to really realize that.

I had a very odd flash back to Kate and Jerry's wedding when Jon and I were standing in the Conservatory in St. Paul waiting for Juan and Elise to walk up the aisle. We'd been in a wedding together before, very long ago; it took me a minute to pin it down.

Pamela

[pgoodman13.livejournal.com]

There's a song that Brian May did on his solo album Back to the Light called "Just One Life." He wrote it after accompanying a friend to the funeral of his friend's friend, whom Brian himself did not know...until after the funeral, when he saw the effect that this one man had upon the dozens of people at the hall where the memorial was held.

I feel a little like that right now. I feel just a little like I've had the chance to meet this remarkable woman, and I regret not having the chance to get to know her better.

[pameladean]

(Hi!)

Oh, I know that feeling. And you think, No, it shouldn't be too late, that's not right.

Pamela

[pgoodman13.livejournal.com]

I should send you the song. Can you take MP3 files as email attachments?

[pameladean]

I have no idea. I'll ask my technical expert (presently absent) and let you know.

Pamela