Sorry, Ma'am, we are all out of giant squid, but we can send a squirrel to pee on your window screen

[pameladean]

Seriously, I ordered a giant squid, but all I got was a gray squirrel. They often climb on the window screens, to the intense excitement of the cats. Sometimes they lick the screens. (No, I have no idea.) But this one peed on the screen. Saffron launched herself at it and it fled, scolding.

I think they got my order number transposed, or something, rather in the same way as we used to order hummus from Simon's Delivers and get chive and onion potato-topper glop instead, which nobody would eat, not even the non-vegans.

Now, Simon's would not take the potato-topper glop back because it was perishable, but they did, once the situation had been called to their attention, deliver the hummus. I wonder if the giant squid is on its way. I don't know if squirrels qualify as perishable while still able to pee, but I certainly am not going to go try to catch and return it.

Some days are just like that.

Pamela

Edited to correct the link to my previous journal entry. Sorry about that.

Comments

[guppiecat]

You live in a house with cats. All squirrels qualify as perishable.

[pameladean]

That is undeniable, but I am not sure I ordered my squid from a bunch of cats.

P.

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

Ah, but did the cats in your house amend your order when you weren't looking? I wouldn't put it past them (they're cats).

[sovay]

Sorry, Ma'am, we are all out of giant squid, but we can send a squirrel to pee on your window screen

That is not the same number of arms or suckers at all.

[pameladean]

Also in the completely wrong order -- I did not order a MAMMAL. I have plenty of those.

P.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

So have I, but does it ever do me any good to say so?

[pameladean]

About as much good as it does me, I think.

P.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

My point exactly: Mammals: they are unruly.

[redbird]

Not just mammals: most of the metazoa, especially the warm-blooded ones (my neighborhood is full of crows).

[elisem.livejournal.com]

I will mention this to Juan, as it will make him smile.

[sovay]

I did not order a MAMMAL. I have plenty of those.

". . . package contained bobcat. Would not buy again."

[pameladean]

*splort*

P.

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

OTOH, if you ever need to ship a tiger to Canada, these instructions can help (www.instructables.com/id/How-to-ship-a-tiger-to-Canada/‎).

[inlaterdays.livejournal.com]

I can't see the squid when I click the link - help?

I am sorry to hear of the peeing. Squirrels seem to be omnipresent.

Hope you get your squid soon.

[pameladean]

Sorry, that was just me being silly about the marks the heart monitor made. There was, alas, no giant squid.

Squirrels are nearly ubiquitous hereabouts. But they do entertain the cats.

P.

[inlaterdays.livejournal.com]

Ohh. I thought you were getting a plushie squid or something.

/hides

[nellorat.livejournal.com]

When I tried the link, the message read:

Error: couldn't determine journal from arguments.

I assume that is a computer term, but it seems perfect for LJ!

[pameladean]

It really does, doesn't it? However, I have fixed the link. Not sure what I did wrong the first time. Also perfect for LJ. Thanks for the heads-up.

P.

[bunsen-h.livejournal.com]

If you really want a giant squid, it can probably be arranged.

[jinian.livejournal.com]

Well, but clearly the giant squid has already been, hence the marks. The squirrel is the customer service follow-up personnel to determine whether your squid interaction was satisfactory.

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

Clearly the squirrel is being possessed by a squid, who was loyally trying to fulfill the order despite the change of body. Or possibly the squid realized it would be impractical to get to your house and sent the squirrel to scout the terrain. :)